Monday, November 9, 2015

I used to think... #OutofSortsBook

I used to think I could live this life on my own, but now I think I can do nothing without the grace and power of Jesus. 

My story is unique yet similar to some many other people. I became a Christian at 18 when I realized, like all Christians must do at some point, that I needed Jesus. I had been doing it on my own for so long, and I was so tired. Each day I would seek fulfillment in the world around me, just to find that the next day I needed to be filled all over again. It was temporary, and left me wanting more, feeling dirty and unlovable.

I joke with my friends about this old life, and call it BC: before Christ. I was a totally different person before I allowed God to take over my heart, will, and life. There is a lot of things I used to think, but now my world has changed...
I used to think that I couldn't be loved (if only you really knew me), but now I must choose to love myself every day.
I used to think that I wasn't beautiful but now I think that my beauty is an undeniable part of the woman God is transforming me to be.
I used to think that I loved well but now I see love is a commitment to choose God and choose the other over myself.
I used to think that I had to see, touch, feel to believe but now I know that believing is obeying, and requires faith.
I used to think that my worth came from my abilities but I am learning that I am worthy even when I am unable.
The love of God is a wave, crashing down on you, overwhelming you with its power. Each down the wave of his grace and mercy fall upon you, you change. The waters of his love transform you: carving you, building you, and shaping you from the brokenness you are and have experienced. There is no denying it or fighting it.

It changes everything. Your heart, your friends, your desires, your will, your direction, your life. There is no way you can encounter Jesus and not be transformed.

I used to think that I could do this on my own, but now I think I wouldn't want to live any other way.