Part of me is afraid God is going to call me to move to Africa.
This is probably because I have had more time to read the book Kisses from Katie, which is a story of a woman who gave up "everything" to move to Uganda. As I read her words and wrestle through God's commission to give Him everything, I come face-to-face with the number one enemy: FEAR.
"Fear. It's part of human nature but its not something we got from God. Second Timothy 1:7 says: 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.'"
We all feel it, this burden of fear.
"We are afraid of change, of loss, of being hurt. We cling so tightly to what we have because we are afraid of what would happen if we didn't have these things anymore."
We fear what we do not know. We would rather stay in an hurtful situation that is known, than risk going into an unknown situation that would cause us to be uncomfortable.
"But what if, just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear is a life better than anything we have ever imagined: life to the fullest."
I want that. I want life to its fullest. But to get there, I must move past the fear. My counselor once told me the only way to rid yourself of a fear is to feel it. You must experience it, tolerate it and learn how to live through it. Fears don't go away by avoiding them, but deciding to keep on going despite them.
"We can let fear of something that really is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us...Life to the fullest exists. It's available. All we have to do is decide to get up and embrace it."
If only I could reach out and tangibly grab this full life. Too often I get stuck in this fear-ridden, comfort-seeking world, and all the expectations it has for me. Ultimately, I believe in a God who is more powerful than any of my fears. Sometimes, I start to think of Uganda and the big bugs, or the language barrier, or where I am going to go to the bathroom. Worry starts to build and I have learned to not dwell in that place of fear. I must quickly squash it with God's promises. God is with me, and goes before me. I will never leave his hands.
Maybe, just maybe, on the other side of my fears and hesitations is the life God has for me. Maybe, once I have the courage to tolerate and break through my fears, I will experience a joy unlike any other. And maybe one day I will stumble across this full life, this life that God desires for me.
You are loved.